I actively avoid thinking about it. Because of guilt. And despair. And then I realize I shouldn't be ignoring it and feel even guiltier.

Because they tell us ,'the soldiers are dying for our safety'. They tell us,'we are fighting for our rights'. And what do you say when we are all Sri Lankan? I don't want to take sides. I don't agree with either side's policy of 'killing'. You could say it's a whole load of other things, but at the end of the day, it is a loss of lives. Either of a Sri Lankan soldier, a little child in the war zone, a civillian in a suicide bomb attack or an LTTE cardre. Someone's child. Freedom 'might' be worth lives but isn't this just a very long dragged out money making scheme? Isn't it supposed to be the 'democratic' socialist republic of Sri lanka?

And so I avoid thinking about my fellow Sri Lankans. The 2000 or so civillians who've died since the beginning of this year in the North of the country. The 100's and 1000's of internally displaced persons. I ignore that there is no freedom of speech in the country, that aid to those affected is limited and that an entire generation of little Sri Lankans have been involved in the war. And know only of it.

What does one do? Other than donate to NGO's? Other than write a blog post? Other than swallow that horrible taste of guilt,fear,sorrow and unease... And move on?